S
Sophia
Guest
Boys are swamped with influences outside of the home ”“
from friends, the neighborhood, television, the internet,
music, the movies”¦
everything they see around them.
They hear all kinds of messages about what it means to ”be a man” ”“
that they have to be tough and in control.
There are numerous conflicting and some harmful messages
being given to boys about
what constitutes ”being a man” in a relationship.
Boys need your advice on how to behave toward girls.
Boys are watching how you and other men relate to women
to figure out their own stance
towa
rds girls.
So teach boys early, and teach them often,
that there is no place for violence in a relationship.
Here's How:
Teach Early. It's never too soon to talk to a child about violence.
Let him know how you think he should express his anger and frustration ”“
and what is out of bounds.
Talk with him about what it means to be fair, share and treat others with respect.
Be there. If it comes down to one thing you can do,
this is it.
Just being with boys is crucial.
The time doesn't have to be spent in activities.
Boys will probably not say this directly --
but they want a male presence around them, even if few words are exchanged.
Listen.
Hear what he ha
s to say.
Listen to how he and his friends talk about girls.
Ask him if he's ever seen abusive behavior in his friends.
Is he worried about any of his friends who are being hurt
in their relation
ships? <
br>
Are any of his friends hurting anyone else?
Tell Him How.
Teach him ways to express his a
nger without using violence.
Physical or verbal.
When he gets mad, tell him he can walk it out,
talk it out, or take a time out.
He doesnt need to scream it out and be nasty.
Let him know he can always come to you
if he feels like things are getting out of hand.
Try to give him examples of what you might say or do
in situations that could turn violent.
Bring it up.
A kid will never approach you and ask for guidance on how to treat women.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't need it.
Try watching TV with him or listening to his music.
If you see or hear things that de
pict violence against women,
tell him what you think about it.
Never hesitate to let him know you don't approve of sports figures
that demean women, or jokes, video games and song lyrics
that do the same
.
An
d when it comes time for dating,
be sure he knows that treating girls with respect is important.
Be a Role Model.
Fathers, coaches and any man who spends time with boys or teens
will have the greatest impact when they ”walk the walk.”
They will learn what respect means by observing how you
treat other people.
So make respect a permanent way of dealing with people ”“
when you're driving in traffic,
talking with customer service reps,
in restaurants with waiters,
and with your family around the dinner table.
He's watching what you say and do and takes his cues from you,
both good and bad.
Be aware of how you express your anger.
Let him know how you define a healthy re
lationship
and always treat women and girls in a way that your son can admire.
Teach Often.
Your job isn't done once you get the first talk out of the way.
Help him work through problems
in relationships
as they arise.
Let him know he can come back and talk t
o you again anytime.
Use every opportunity to reinforce the message that violence
has no place in a relationship.
Become a Founding Father.
Show him how important the issue of violence against women and children
is to you.
Join thousands of men across the country who are taking a stand
against violence.
Become a Founding Father yourself.
Go to founding-fathers.org to sign up.
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