Rick Dean
Registered
5
http://amren.com/news/news04/04/19/adoption.html
Black Kids, White Parents
What happens when adopted children don't look like mom and dad?
Background from the Archives
Gene Warner, Buffalo News, Apr. 18
They're used to the stares and quizzical looks and questions whenever they take their two toddlers to the grocery store or out into their University District neighborhood.
Are they yours? Julie and Chris Sansone are asked. Are they really yours?
Yes, toddlers Christopher and Rae Sansone really are their children. The two adopted kids were born less than seven month
apart. Christopher, almost 21/2, is biracial, three-quarters African-American and one-quarter Native American. His little sister, Rae, 21 months old, is black. Their parents are white, although Julie Sanso
ne
s one-sixteenth Native-American. Chris Sansone is an Ital
ian-American.
Here's a young family of four, a small ethnic stew, smack dab in the middle of perhaps Buffalo's most integrated community, the University District. We want to bring up our children in a neighborhood where they see people who look like them and people who don't, Julie Sansone said.
The Sansones weren't on any crusade. They adopted a biracial kid, and then a black one, for pragmatic reasons. It was the quickest way to start their family.
We never sat down and said we wanted to adopt a black baby, Chris Sansone said. "t was more just wanting to have a baby together.
Sociologists call the Sansones a trans-racial family, one of dozens in Western New York, experts say. The number may rise to hundreds
if you include children in foster care.
Trans-racial adoptions, like the Sansones', have been an issue for more than 30 years, ever since the National Association of Black Social Workers
bran
ded
trans-r
acial adoption the equivalent of cultu
ral genocide in the early 1970s. It remains an issue, largely because of the disproportionate number of African-American children available to be adopted.
In Erie County, for example, the 466 children waiting to be adopted in late February included 229 African-American children, or 49.1 percent of the total. Another 28 children are inter-racial; when they're added, the figure rises to 55.2 percent.
That's in a county where the African-American population is just 13 percent.
So, despite strong efforts by the county Social Services Department to find more black adoptive and foster families, there's still a relative shortage of African-American families to adopt all the black kids available.
There are tremendous African-American fami
lies out there, said Maryjane K. Link, adoption training specialist with the state Office of Children & Family Services. But we need to clone them. Thus, the question: Who shoul
d adopt
African
-American chi
ldren?
" generally
take the view that an African child should be placed with an African family if at all possible, because I think the African child risks suffering serious psychological issues as that child matures, said L. Nathan Hare, executive director of Community Action Organization of Erie County.
A child raised in a white family without any link to the African-American community will feel no equity in that community, Hare explained. And the child's skin color may keep him or her from being accepted everywhere that the parents are.
So that child may be forced into a person-without-a-country situation, he said.
Judith O'Mara, director of adoption and foster care for Baker Victory Services, also sees how difficult it may be for that child. There's always tha
t struggle for acceptance, she said. What race and culture do they belong to?
But O'Mara and others involved in the adoption process understand the tightrope they
're walking
on this is
sue. Kids' lives ar
ne at stake.
" think kids should be placed in a home that's going to love and nurture them, said Melanie S. Sims, director of foster care and adoptive services for St. Augustine Center. As long as the family who's adopting the child can keep them connected to their cultural heritage and accept their differences, it will be successful.
Adoption officials often have a tough call to make. But as a rule, they'd rather not have an African-American child remain indefinitely in foster care if there's a suitable white adoptive family available.
At the end of the day, it's the child we have to be most concerned about, Hare said.
In Erie County, two factors have helped reduce the number of African-American children waiting to be adopted.
In the earlyand mid-1990
s, according to Hare, the county Social Services Department made a concerted effort to work with agencies seeking to find African-American adoptive and foster ca
re families. An
d the federal M
ul
ti-Ethnic Placement Act
of 1994 said, in effect, that an agency couldn't hold up the adoption of a black child by a white family just because of race.
But not every white parent, no matter how well-intentioned, may fit a black child's needs. Experts agree that the extreme color-blind positionwhere a parent never addresses the issuecan be harmful for the child.
" think it would be difficult for Caucasian families to have a black child if they're naive and believe there are no differences (between the races), said Sims, a black woman who grew up on Grand Island.
"f your parents don't see color, then I think the child suffers, because there's still racism and discrimination in the world, she added. They grow up thinking all white people are accepting and wonderful and that there's no racism
in the world. I think the parents need to be honest, tell the truth and tell them, Some people aren't going to love and respect you like I do.' <
br>
The Sanso
nes
are neither naive
nor colorblind. They know there
will be challenges when the kids get older, when they start questioning their identities, wanting to know where they came from. But they're excited, as any relatively new parents are, about the challenges ahead.
The Sansones also relish the chance for themselves and their children to explore each other's cultures, traditions and history.
The parents are reading all about black history. Christopher, only 28 months old, already sports (dread)locks. And the family talks about the possibility of going to services at a church in the heart of the city's African-American community.
That's the kind of cross-cultural sensitivity that impresses adoption officials.
The family has to be willing to support the child's ethnic heritage, said Link, from the state agency. "f
they live in Iowa and there are no black people within 200 miles, that might not be such a good idea.
For now, Christopher and R
ae are way too yo
ung fo
r this to be an issue.
They do what toddlers do. On a recen
t visit, Christopher was playing with a toy train, Rae snuggling with her mother. And both wanted to do some damage with a visitor's pen and notebook.
The only obvious sign of their racial heritage might be Christopher's stylish locks. But that's not completely a cultural thing.
" love Bob Marley, and I've always wanted a child with locks, his father said. " wish I could do it.
Adoption experts say that preserving the kids' cultural heritage is crucial, because it's part of a child's identity. Adopted children, especially if they've gone through foster care, often have separation issues. And the whole identity question becomes trickier for a child of a different race.
When they get to adolescence, children start to explore who they are and where they came
from, said Judith A. Bellafaire, who chairs the local Coalition of Adoption and Foster Family Agencies. "f we help them exp
lor
e that, that helps them
in their growth and develo
pment. That's true whether they want to pie
rce their eyebrows, color their hair or explore their heritage.
Adoptive parents also have to understand that it's no reflection on them when their children want to find out who their birth parents are and why they gave them up, added Bellafaire, a foster family specialist at Hillside Children's Center in Lockport.
The toughest time for trans-racial adopted children may be preadolescence, starting before they reach age 4, said Sims, the adoption expert from St. Augustine's. All they see is white faces, and they think it's normal, that that's how it's supposed to be, she said.
But then come the questions, starting at around age 4:
Daddy, how come you're so pale? or Why am I a different color? or My teacher said you're white.
Later, at age 9 o
r 10, kids start wrestling with who they are, where they came from and why they're different. That'
s when parents h
ave to come up with answersac
curate ones.
The Sanso
nes know one of their kids may say, You don't kn
ow what it's like to be black.
No, I don't know what it feels like, Julie Sansone said she might reply. Tell me. What issues are you going through?
And then there's The Story Behind M&Ms, a novel about racism written by two rural Minnesota teenagers. Jerome, a black child adopted by white parents, is taunted by other kids at school. He goes home and tells his mother that he's tired of being white in every way, except for the color of his skin.
People are like M&Ms, his mother explains. Each candy has a different color on the outside, but they're all the same inside.
Sims, from St. Augustine's, cited two local cases that show how parents can bridge the trans-racial gap with their kids:
A white foster mother in the city's Broadway-F
illmore area likes to take African-American children, especially teen
age girls. And she works hard to h
elp them embrace their heritage. <
br>
She allows them to hop a bu
s to have their own hairdresser braid their hair and le
ts them attend their own church.
She adapts to the needs of the kid, Sims said.
"t's rare, but sometimes the racial roles are reversed.
One black foster mom took in a 9-year-old white girl, who spent most of her time with African-Americans, going to a predominantly black school and a black church.
This girl now has what many people would call a black attitude,' Sims said. She's a little feisty. Now she can swing her hips and have a tone in her voice.
For the child, it just gave her exposure to another culture, she added. Because the foster mother was loving and nurturing, the child was comfortable in her environment and building her self-esteem.
No matter how loving and nurturing, no matter how hard parents try to make their ch
ildren comfortable with their race, the child s
till may face some issues. Sims mentioned th
e biggest concern she has for a black
child adopted by white parents.
<b
r>"'m concerned about the lack of acceptance from both races
, she said. The black race might consider them an Uncle Tom or a sellout. And the white race might reject them because of their color. So they become confused.
The Sansoneshe's from Orchard Park, she from Oklahomaseem eager for the challenge. They married in October 1999. When they learned they couldn't have children, after Julie had to have major surgery, they knew they wanted to adopt. And they had a strong conviction to adopt locally, if possible, to raise their children near where they were born.
Still, they put their names on lists for Baker Victory Services and a local group connected with a Bogota, Colombia, orphanage. In the spring of 2001, Baker Victory officials told them they might have to wait three or four yearsunless they'd consider adopting an Afr
ican-American
or biracial child.
Shortly before Christmas that year, the
y got a call about a baby boy who had bee
n born Nov. 15. His birth family wanted a
two-parent family, and the Sansones fit the bill. Six months later,
in June 2002, the Sansones got a call about a baby girl whose birth mother wanted a two-parent family with someone of color in the family. Again, the Sansones didn't hesitate.
When someone calls you and says there's a child who needs a home, that child is yours once they make the call, Julie Sansone said. You feel it happened for a reason. We were meant to be a family, the four of us.
The Sansones hope to adopt again. We would accept anything, whatever fate brings us, Julie Sansone said. But we think it would be great for Christopher and Rae to share a culture, so if our next child is black or Native American, that would be great.
For now, as they chase their two toddlers around the house, the Sansones are grateful for the two gifts they have.
<
br>We say, celebrate diversity, Julie Sansone said. "t's great to
have people of different colors, different cu
ltures and different backgrounds, all living
in the same communityand in the same family.
http://amren.com/news/news04/04/19/adoption.html
Black Kids, White Parents
What happens when adopted children don't look like mom and dad?
Background from the Archives
Gene Warner, Buffalo News, Apr. 18
They're used to the stares and quizzical looks and questions whenever they take their two toddlers to the grocery store or out into their University District neighborhood.
Are they yours? Julie and Chris Sansone are asked. Are they really yours?
Yes, toddlers Christopher and Rae Sansone really are their children. The two adopted kids were born less than seven month
apart. Christopher, almost 21/2, is biracial, three-quarters African-American and one-quarter Native American. His little sister, Rae, 21 months old, is black. Their parents are white, although Julie Sanso
ne
s one-sixteenth Native-American. Chris Sansone is an Ital
ian-American.
Here's a young family of four, a small ethnic stew, smack dab in the middle of perhaps Buffalo's most integrated community, the University District. We want to bring up our children in a neighborhood where they see people who look like them and people who don't, Julie Sansone said.
The Sansones weren't on any crusade. They adopted a biracial kid, and then a black one, for pragmatic reasons. It was the quickest way to start their family.
We never sat down and said we wanted to adopt a black baby, Chris Sansone said. "t was more just wanting to have a baby together.
Sociologists call the Sansones a trans-racial family, one of dozens in Western New York, experts say. The number may rise to hundreds
if you include children in foster care.
Trans-racial adoptions, like the Sansones', have been an issue for more than 30 years, ever since the National Association of Black Social Workers
bran
ded
trans-r
acial adoption the equivalent of cultu
ral genocide in the early 1970s. It remains an issue, largely because of the disproportionate number of African-American children available to be adopted.
In Erie County, for example, the 466 children waiting to be adopted in late February included 229 African-American children, or 49.1 percent of the total. Another 28 children are inter-racial; when they're added, the figure rises to 55.2 percent.
That's in a county where the African-American population is just 13 percent.
So, despite strong efforts by the county Social Services Department to find more black adoptive and foster families, there's still a relative shortage of African-American families to adopt all the black kids available.
There are tremendous African-American fami
lies out there, said Maryjane K. Link, adoption training specialist with the state Office of Children & Family Services. But we need to clone them. Thus, the question: Who shoul
d adopt
African
-American chi
ldren?
" generally
take the view that an African child should be placed with an African family if at all possible, because I think the African child risks suffering serious psychological issues as that child matures, said L. Nathan Hare, executive director of Community Action Organization of Erie County.
A child raised in a white family without any link to the African-American community will feel no equity in that community, Hare explained. And the child's skin color may keep him or her from being accepted everywhere that the parents are.
So that child may be forced into a person-without-a-country situation, he said.
Judith O'Mara, director of adoption and foster care for Baker Victory Services, also sees how difficult it may be for that child. There's always tha
t struggle for acceptance, she said. What race and culture do they belong to?
But O'Mara and others involved in the adoption process understand the tightrope they
're walking
on this is
sue. Kids' lives ar
ne at stake.
" think kids should be placed in a home that's going to love and nurture them, said Melanie S. Sims, director of foster care and adoptive services for St. Augustine Center. As long as the family who's adopting the child can keep them connected to their cultural heritage and accept their differences, it will be successful.
Adoption officials often have a tough call to make. But as a rule, they'd rather not have an African-American child remain indefinitely in foster care if there's a suitable white adoptive family available.
At the end of the day, it's the child we have to be most concerned about, Hare said.
In Erie County, two factors have helped reduce the number of African-American children waiting to be adopted.
In the earlyand mid-1990
s, according to Hare, the county Social Services Department made a concerted effort to work with agencies seeking to find African-American adoptive and foster ca
re families. An
d the federal M
ul
ti-Ethnic Placement Act
of 1994 said, in effect, that an agency couldn't hold up the adoption of a black child by a white family just because of race.
But not every white parent, no matter how well-intentioned, may fit a black child's needs. Experts agree that the extreme color-blind positionwhere a parent never addresses the issuecan be harmful for the child.
" think it would be difficult for Caucasian families to have a black child if they're naive and believe there are no differences (between the races), said Sims, a black woman who grew up on Grand Island.
"f your parents don't see color, then I think the child suffers, because there's still racism and discrimination in the world, she added. They grow up thinking all white people are accepting and wonderful and that there's no racism
in the world. I think the parents need to be honest, tell the truth and tell them, Some people aren't going to love and respect you like I do.' <
br>
The Sanso
nes
are neither naive
nor colorblind. They know there
will be challenges when the kids get older, when they start questioning their identities, wanting to know where they came from. But they're excited, as any relatively new parents are, about the challenges ahead.
The Sansones also relish the chance for themselves and their children to explore each other's cultures, traditions and history.
The parents are reading all about black history. Christopher, only 28 months old, already sports (dread)locks. And the family talks about the possibility of going to services at a church in the heart of the city's African-American community.
That's the kind of cross-cultural sensitivity that impresses adoption officials.
The family has to be willing to support the child's ethnic heritage, said Link, from the state agency. "f
they live in Iowa and there are no black people within 200 miles, that might not be such a good idea.
For now, Christopher and R
ae are way too yo
ung fo
r this to be an issue.
They do what toddlers do. On a recen
t visit, Christopher was playing with a toy train, Rae snuggling with her mother. And both wanted to do some damage with a visitor's pen and notebook.
The only obvious sign of their racial heritage might be Christopher's stylish locks. But that's not completely a cultural thing.
" love Bob Marley, and I've always wanted a child with locks, his father said. " wish I could do it.
Adoption experts say that preserving the kids' cultural heritage is crucial, because it's part of a child's identity. Adopted children, especially if they've gone through foster care, often have separation issues. And the whole identity question becomes trickier for a child of a different race.
When they get to adolescence, children start to explore who they are and where they came
from, said Judith A. Bellafaire, who chairs the local Coalition of Adoption and Foster Family Agencies. "f we help them exp
lor
e that, that helps them
in their growth and develo
pment. That's true whether they want to pie
rce their eyebrows, color their hair or explore their heritage.
Adoptive parents also have to understand that it's no reflection on them when their children want to find out who their birth parents are and why they gave them up, added Bellafaire, a foster family specialist at Hillside Children's Center in Lockport.
The toughest time for trans-racial adopted children may be preadolescence, starting before they reach age 4, said Sims, the adoption expert from St. Augustine's. All they see is white faces, and they think it's normal, that that's how it's supposed to be, she said.
But then come the questions, starting at around age 4:
Daddy, how come you're so pale? or Why am I a different color? or My teacher said you're white.
Later, at age 9 o
r 10, kids start wrestling with who they are, where they came from and why they're different. That'
s when parents h
ave to come up with answersac
curate ones.
The Sanso
nes know one of their kids may say, You don't kn
ow what it's like to be black.
No, I don't know what it feels like, Julie Sansone said she might reply. Tell me. What issues are you going through?
And then there's The Story Behind M&Ms, a novel about racism written by two rural Minnesota teenagers. Jerome, a black child adopted by white parents, is taunted by other kids at school. He goes home and tells his mother that he's tired of being white in every way, except for the color of his skin.
People are like M&Ms, his mother explains. Each candy has a different color on the outside, but they're all the same inside.
Sims, from St. Augustine's, cited two local cases that show how parents can bridge the trans-racial gap with their kids:
A white foster mother in the city's Broadway-F
illmore area likes to take African-American children, especially teen
age girls. And she works hard to h
elp them embrace their heritage. <
br>
She allows them to hop a bu
s to have their own hairdresser braid their hair and le
ts them attend their own church.
She adapts to the needs of the kid, Sims said.
"t's rare, but sometimes the racial roles are reversed.
One black foster mom took in a 9-year-old white girl, who spent most of her time with African-Americans, going to a predominantly black school and a black church.
This girl now has what many people would call a black attitude,' Sims said. She's a little feisty. Now she can swing her hips and have a tone in her voice.
For the child, it just gave her exposure to another culture, she added. Because the foster mother was loving and nurturing, the child was comfortable in her environment and building her self-esteem.
No matter how loving and nurturing, no matter how hard parents try to make their ch
ildren comfortable with their race, the child s
till may face some issues. Sims mentioned th
e biggest concern she has for a black
child adopted by white parents.
<b
r>"'m concerned about the lack of acceptance from both races
, she said. The black race might consider them an Uncle Tom or a sellout. And the white race might reject them because of their color. So they become confused.
The Sansoneshe's from Orchard Park, she from Oklahomaseem eager for the challenge. They married in October 1999. When they learned they couldn't have children, after Julie had to have major surgery, they knew they wanted to adopt. And they had a strong conviction to adopt locally, if possible, to raise their children near where they were born.
Still, they put their names on lists for Baker Victory Services and a local group connected with a Bogota, Colombia, orphanage. In the spring of 2001, Baker Victory officials told them they might have to wait three or four yearsunless they'd consider adopting an Afr
ican-American
or biracial child.
Shortly before Christmas that year, the
y got a call about a baby boy who had bee
n born Nov. 15. His birth family wanted a
two-parent family, and the Sansones fit the bill. Six months later,
in June 2002, the Sansones got a call about a baby girl whose birth mother wanted a two-parent family with someone of color in the family. Again, the Sansones didn't hesitate.
When someone calls you and says there's a child who needs a home, that child is yours once they make the call, Julie Sansone said. You feel it happened for a reason. We were meant to be a family, the four of us.
The Sansones hope to adopt again. We would accept anything, whatever fate brings us, Julie Sansone said. But we think it would be great for Christopher and Rae to share a culture, so if our next child is black or Native American, that would be great.
For now, as they chase their two toddlers around the house, the Sansones are grateful for the two gifts they have.
<
br>We say, celebrate diversity, Julie Sansone said. "t's great to
have people of different colors, different cu
ltures and different backgrounds, all living
in the same communityand in the same family.
